Fun with the ISP

Day 1:
Hi, I have lost access to the internet.
I have a teleworker account so we determine that they are unable to locate it using my phone number, my address (my building is big) but can find it under my name. At this point we determine that the flashing modem lights are indicative of an outage in the area and that when the lights stop flashing I will know service is restored.
Day 2:
Hi, I have lost access to the internet and my modem just has flashing lights.
I explain that the account is not listed under my phone number but locate a bill with the account number. I am told there is an outage in my area, when the modem lights stop flashing, I will know that service is restored.
Day 3:
Hi, I have lost access to the internet and my modem just has flashing lights. (After waiting twenty minutes to get through.)
I give my account number and while the rep is pulling it up she tells me I need to unplug my router since it is not from the internet company. I explain that I can and will unplug the router, but since the modem that the router is attached to is not getting a signal I don't see how that will help. After I unplug the router she then transfers me to business services. (Aren't we glad I unplugged the router) where I give a second person the account number and they transfer me to tech support who tells me there is an outage. When the modem lights stop flashing I will know that service is restored.
Day 4:
Hi, I have lost access to the internet and my modem just has flashing lights. (While waiting the automated message tells me that there is a reported outage in Bethesda. If I lived there I could hang up now.)
I give my account number and the rep tells me to unplug the router. I do but also remind her about the modem. After pulling up my account I am told there is an outage in my area. When the modem lights stop flashing I will know that service is restored.

Okay, this is why people hate call centers. The call centers force people to work through a script even when it doesn't apply. Since every single time there was a reported outage, all I needed to do was confirm that they were aware of the outage and get an estimated time for repair (which I never did, but hope springs eternal). There was no need for me to unplug either my modem or my router.