I am old enough to recall debate about gendered words back when every time a female type person did something it got tagged with -ess or -ette or girl. And while I fall down on this myself, and certainly I have seen little movement on actress and waitress, the point being made at the time was twofold. The -ess and -ette are diminutives, and yes, while they can indicate femininity one can argue that it's a little like calling someone a cute little thing with all the accompanying dismissiveness. And well, girl is a word for a child, and no one says, oh that new CEO boy for that company, we only seem to regress when referring to female types.
So, in the interest of equality, I would like to point out it is just as offensive (and annoying and irritating) to stick man in front of everything. Or merge into everything. I love intriguing new compound or combined words, but murse and manny, no. If it's a purse, it's a purse. If you want to call it something else, you can call it a bag. Personally I think nanny is a dated term, although I understand that some people might feel it indicates a higher level of skill or time commitment than babysitter, but in general, unless I am the person who needs to recognize your nanny, I'm not clear why I need to know you have a manny, instead of just nanny. Sure, if you tell me your nanny is called Kevin I might make assumptions, but all that will happen if you say manny is that I will cringe in horror - at the word.
Man date confuses me since it's used only when it's not really a date. So, apparently two friends of the same gender who are not attracted to one another cannot just be hanging out now. We must call it a man date. (I must not. Really.)
But, in case you were wondering what sent me over the edge, mantiquing. No. No, no, no. No. Stop. Antiquing does not need or deserve a gender adjusted version. It's a verb. The verb contains within it no assumption of gender. Just because it contains to of the letters in the word man does not excuse this travesty of a word.
Monday, June 17, 2013
Stop it, Man
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Three Interesting Things
1. It was Stitch and Pitch (aka Tara's annual baseball game) last week, and due to all the weather we'd been having I might have done some research into field drying times (apparent answer - it depends) and come across this story about one, shall we say, creative attempt to speed drying time by setting the field afire. (Spoiler - side effects may include field being shut down as an environmental hazard.)
2. The LA Craft and Folk Art Museum is covered in granny squares. No really. (h/t to rviser)
3. And drones are being tested out in South Africa to see if they can be used to catch poachers.
2. The LA Craft and Folk Art Museum is covered in granny squares. No really. (h/t to rviser)
3. And drones are being tested out in South Africa to see if they can be used to catch poachers.
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
7 Things: The Playing the Part Edition
1. Author Robin Covington is my chapter-mate, so I am predisposed to like her books. I'm still not required to.
2. As you might suspect from my occasional posts about contests, I volunteer to judge quite a few contests. Sometimes I judge young adult, since it is an area of familiarity for me, and sometimes I judge other categories. People who see my little rants might wonder why. And the answer, in addition to helping and supporting things for my chapter and other chapters, is that there are ones you read and you just go - oh my god, where is the rest of it? (It happened again to me this year on two of them.) I read Robin's entry in a contest, completely unaware that it was hers and loved it. I kept an eye peeled when they announced the finalists and was shocked that it didn't final. (Later Robin said something about research for an actor character and I was like wait, did you write this - I loved it!)
3. So, okay, I've only read the first thirty pages and that was before it got sold and got an editor and all of that. But seriously guys. I liked this so much. (I'm on page 47 of the "real thing" now and yum.)
4. And, rumor has it I'm an evil judge. (I have actually judged something that finaled twice, but my score was the one that got dropped. And neither of my scores were low, according to me.)
5. I also have read her other books. Love.
6. I don't think Robin sleeps. She also over at Romance University, Waterworld Mermaids, Happily Ever After, I'm exhausted just thinking about all that.
7. So, the book. I suppose I should talk about that maybe. Writer Piper has a romance novel that's being turned into a movie. Only the usually-does-action-movies guy Mick who is playing the hero is having trouble acting like a romance hero. So they bring Piper out to coach him. Sparks ensue.
2. As you might suspect from my occasional posts about contests, I volunteer to judge quite a few contests. Sometimes I judge young adult, since it is an area of familiarity for me, and sometimes I judge other categories. People who see my little rants might wonder why. And the answer, in addition to helping and supporting things for my chapter and other chapters, is that there are ones you read and you just go - oh my god, where is the rest of it? (It happened again to me this year on two of them.) I read Robin's entry in a contest, completely unaware that it was hers and loved it. I kept an eye peeled when they announced the finalists and was shocked that it didn't final. (Later Robin said something about research for an actor character and I was like wait, did you write this - I loved it!)
3. So, okay, I've only read the first thirty pages and that was before it got sold and got an editor and all of that. But seriously guys. I liked this so much. (I'm on page 47 of the "real thing" now and yum.)
4. And, rumor has it I'm an evil judge. (I have actually judged something that finaled twice, but my score was the one that got dropped. And neither of my scores were low, according to me.)
5. I also have read her other books. Love.
6. I don't think Robin sleeps. She also over at Romance University, Waterworld Mermaids, Happily Ever After, I'm exhausted just thinking about all that.
7. So, the book. I suppose I should talk about that maybe. Writer Piper has a romance novel that's being turned into a movie. Only the usually-does-action-movies guy Mick who is playing the hero is having trouble acting like a romance hero. So they bring Piper out to coach him. Sparks ensue.
Monday, June 10, 2013
All About Me
So, once upon a time, I volunteered for this thing called coffee house. My church hosted it a few times a year, and it was an event for teens where local bands would play and it would be a substance free event. I, of course, thought back to my own high school years, and the negotiations for rides for things and how easy it would have been to get my parents to let me go to an event at a church and thought I want to support this. (Later one of the teens told me most of the kids don't realize it is a church.)
There some of the other adult volunteers asked me which were my kids and were surprised to find I did this not to keep an eye on my kids but simply out of my strange desire to volunteer. (I will tell you it is very loud. And these local bands are often populated by teens themselves so it is a little like a de facto rock talent show. Not that there's anything wrong with that.)
So, one adult, who turned out to also run the youth program at our church handed me a folder about being a youth advisor. I asked to ponder, but found her a few days later and agreed. It was January. I was, essentially, a mid-season replacement for another adult who had been over-committed. I came to a session, was introduced to the group and the teens were told that after today if they had any concerns to let the coordinator know. My first glimpse into youth empowerment was that they, essentially, had the power to fire me. (I will tell you, that I never saw them abuse this power. I did once, have them ask me about another new adult, was that person for sure going to be there for the whole year, and I told them that they could express any concerns they had and it would be taken into consideration.)
I learned so many things from them. The strange thing about working as a youth advisor is that, due to the four walls or Vegas rule, so much of what happens I cannot speak about. I always thought my life would involve working with kids. There is a long line of teachers in my family (and writer, and cops). When my career went in a different direction, it now seems obvious that I would end up finding another to work with kids. I never thought they would be teens. Teens scared me a bit, because, let's face it, the power balance is pretty tenuous once they are too big for you to pick them up one handed and they are old enough to understand your lack of power. So it is amusing now that I not only ended up working with teens but working with them in an environment where the power balance was pretty firmly on their side.
The adults absolutely help and monitor and suggest things, but the teens run this program. They design the program, they often led the meetings. They worked on things that supported the church and their own activities, it was amazing to see. And through them I remember that sense of being a teen and having all that energy and all those ideas and being so ready to go make change in the world.
As an adult its really easy to get stuck on the logistics. Someone will say we should create a community garden and I'll say, well, I think that requires permits. And here's the thing, I may be right about the permits, and the logistics are an important part of it too, but as an adult I sometimes get stuck on the roadblocks and they reminded me of all the plans I had to fix the whole world. (All of it.)
In the time I worked with the youth group they have gone from being relegated to the expansion trailers (which our then minister kept trying to call cottages) out back, to having their own room. (Well, as much their own as can happen in a multi-purpose building.) They started the now annual Murder Mystery Dinner Theater. They used to only meet at second service. One year when the numbers were high, the choice was made to meet at both services. And now, echoing a congregational shift, they only meet first service, and hold extra classes second service. They suckered me on to Facebook. They have acknowledged me when running into me on the street or on coffee shops. They give the most amazing service every year. (Seriously, people, often people who don't know I work with the youth, tell me how it's their favorite each year.)
And the last batch of years, we've had a winter retreat where as an exercise in our final worship, we write affirmation papers for each other. It is one of those ides that sounds so hokey and ridiculous, and now you will pry those papers away from my cold, dead hands. Each person passes around a piece of paper and everybody writes something about them. Something nice. Now, it's hard, not because people aren't lovely, but writing thirty individualized nice things is a bit of a challenge. But here's a sampling of some I got over the years.
"You are a great person and have a good outlook on life. Thanks for being an amazing advisor."
"I like your knitting. I also like your silly anecdotes. I like you too."
"Keep on rollin' and keep on being a BAMF!"
I am, well, right now we're calling it taking a break from being an advisor. When I started, the max was four years. My fourth (or three and a halfth, since I started mid-year) coincided with a number of other advisors' fourths and the rule was revisited and discarded. The challenge was that I have seen people who do it for too long get too attached to the way things have always been done, and the other idea for cycling some new blood in is to increase the number of people in the congregation who know how cool the youth really are. So, that time has come. And I keep reminding myself that the goal is too leave while it still feels like I am giving something up. I have been advised to not try and fill this spot right away, even if I already have another great idea. (That person is wise.)
There some of the other adult volunteers asked me which were my kids and were surprised to find I did this not to keep an eye on my kids but simply out of my strange desire to volunteer. (I will tell you it is very loud. And these local bands are often populated by teens themselves so it is a little like a de facto rock talent show. Not that there's anything wrong with that.)
So, one adult, who turned out to also run the youth program at our church handed me a folder about being a youth advisor. I asked to ponder, but found her a few days later and agreed. It was January. I was, essentially, a mid-season replacement for another adult who had been over-committed. I came to a session, was introduced to the group and the teens were told that after today if they had any concerns to let the coordinator know. My first glimpse into youth empowerment was that they, essentially, had the power to fire me. (I will tell you, that I never saw them abuse this power. I did once, have them ask me about another new adult, was that person for sure going to be there for the whole year, and I told them that they could express any concerns they had and it would be taken into consideration.)
I learned so many things from them. The strange thing about working as a youth advisor is that, due to the four walls or Vegas rule, so much of what happens I cannot speak about. I always thought my life would involve working with kids. There is a long line of teachers in my family (and writer, and cops). When my career went in a different direction, it now seems obvious that I would end up finding another to work with kids. I never thought they would be teens. Teens scared me a bit, because, let's face it, the power balance is pretty tenuous once they are too big for you to pick them up one handed and they are old enough to understand your lack of power. So it is amusing now that I not only ended up working with teens but working with them in an environment where the power balance was pretty firmly on their side.
The adults absolutely help and monitor and suggest things, but the teens run this program. They design the program, they often led the meetings. They worked on things that supported the church and their own activities, it was amazing to see. And through them I remember that sense of being a teen and having all that energy and all those ideas and being so ready to go make change in the world.
As an adult its really easy to get stuck on the logistics. Someone will say we should create a community garden and I'll say, well, I think that requires permits. And here's the thing, I may be right about the permits, and the logistics are an important part of it too, but as an adult I sometimes get stuck on the roadblocks and they reminded me of all the plans I had to fix the whole world. (All of it.)
In the time I worked with the youth group they have gone from being relegated to the expansion trailers (which our then minister kept trying to call cottages) out back, to having their own room. (Well, as much their own as can happen in a multi-purpose building.) They started the now annual Murder Mystery Dinner Theater. They used to only meet at second service. One year when the numbers were high, the choice was made to meet at both services. And now, echoing a congregational shift, they only meet first service, and hold extra classes second service. They suckered me on to Facebook. They have acknowledged me when running into me on the street or on coffee shops. They give the most amazing service every year. (Seriously, people, often people who don't know I work with the youth, tell me how it's their favorite each year.)
And the last batch of years, we've had a winter retreat where as an exercise in our final worship, we write affirmation papers for each other. It is one of those ides that sounds so hokey and ridiculous, and now you will pry those papers away from my cold, dead hands. Each person passes around a piece of paper and everybody writes something about them. Something nice. Now, it's hard, not because people aren't lovely, but writing thirty individualized nice things is a bit of a challenge. But here's a sampling of some I got over the years.
"You are a great person and have a good outlook on life. Thanks for being an amazing advisor."
"I like your knitting. I also like your silly anecdotes. I like you too."
"Keep on rollin' and keep on being a BAMF!"
I am, well, right now we're calling it taking a break from being an advisor. When I started, the max was four years. My fourth (or three and a halfth, since I started mid-year) coincided with a number of other advisors' fourths and the rule was revisited and discarded. The challenge was that I have seen people who do it for too long get too attached to the way things have always been done, and the other idea for cycling some new blood in is to increase the number of people in the congregation who know how cool the youth really are. So, that time has come. And I keep reminding myself that the goal is too leave while it still feels like I am giving something up. I have been advised to not try and fill this spot right away, even if I already have another great idea. (That person is wise.)
Thursday, June 06, 2013
Three Interesting Things
1. Radiolab did a piece about the case involving the adoptive couple who had the child returned to the biological father as a result of the law regarding American Indian children that contained a little more background about both the law and the father, that I found interesting.
2. And in my travels across the internet came across these two pieces about women - one a metaphor (and you know how I love those) for the challenges for women trying to get jobs in tech fields and one a post about some experiences a sci-fi writer, who is a woman, has had.
3. A fellow writer posted this place in DC (they are expanding elsewhere) for writers who seek quiet - Writer's Room. I am more of a cafe writer myself, but it seems like a great idea.
2. And in my travels across the internet came across these two pieces about women - one a metaphor (and you know how I love those) for the challenges for women trying to get jobs in tech fields and one a post about some experiences a sci-fi writer, who is a woman, has had.
3. A fellow writer posted this place in DC (they are expanding elsewhere) for writers who seek quiet - Writer's Room. I am more of a cafe writer myself, but it seems like a great idea.
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