Friday, April 28, 2006

Dear Folks

Dear Lady in the Supermarket Parking Lot,

We didn't get a chance to talk since you were on your way in as I was heading out (and because we don't know each other), but I wanted to comment on your outfit. The gold, lycra, glitter pants you were wearing demonstrate a fashion sense that is unafraid of taking risks. And you are boldly, I imagine, not waiting until you have the body you desire before donning lycra. Which I applaud, since so many women these days are constantly waiting for those last however many pounds before wearing the clothes they really want. But your decision to pair it with a leopard print top, which was also lovely, is what took you from fashion do to fashion don't. I'm not going to tell you that you can't ever wear patterns with patterns, but when you do, they need to coordinate, and one of them needs to be subtle. And both leopard print and gold glitter are never subtle.

Sincerely,
Fellow Shopper

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Dear Hungry Co-Worker,

I know our group often puts food out in the combination kitchen/printing area. And of course, while we usually plan for the numbers in our division, we certainly don't want extra food to go to waste. But when one solitary bagel, still warm from its purchase, is not sitting on a tray or other serving platter, and is wrapped inside a paper bag is placed there while my co-worker runs to the bathroom, it is not up for grabs. I recognize that unattended food is always tempting. And perhaps you forgot your breakfast that morning. And had no money to utilize the vending machines or the grocery store that is across the street. But you knew that food wasn't really up for grabs. Which was why you took it and consumed it so quickly. And since it was 6:30 in the morning, we know who you are.

Sincerely,
Prospective Food Nazi

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Dear Dog Owner,

Yes your dog is cute and adorable. Which is I'm sure why you think you don't need to put it on a leash. But from my apartment, I hear on an almost daily basis how you dog growls and rushes at every other dog it encounters. Since the dogs it runs into are the same ones, clearly this behavior will not cease on its own. Just because your dog is too small to do real damage to these other pets, does not make the behavior acceptable. If your dog cannot behave around other dogs, then you need to take control.

Sincerely,
Cat Owner

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