You're So Great at This, You Should Also Do That

I recognize that at its heart, the titular statement is well meant and a compliment.  But I also think we should work on examining why we think the greatest compliment for someone's work, is to suggest more work to them.  I am not talking about things like, I loved your book, please write another.  That is suggesting a person should keep doing a thing they are already doing.  I am talking about things like, I love the way you Tweet, you should start a You Tube channel.  Or, I love the work you did for this, I think you should also go solve world hunger maybe.  Okay perhaps that one is a slight exaggeration.  

I do understand that this is people saying you are very good at doing things, I wish for you more things.  But there's also an insidious thing.  You've been providing free content to me, or labor I didn't pay for, I think you should go do more labor and fix more things.  Because there are a couple of possibilities baked into that.  The suggestor somehow thinks that it would be even better if this person did another great thing that they could then point people too and say, I told them they should do X thing.  The suggestor wants to learn more without having to learn or vet new people.   The suggestor wants to end this interaction knowing that there are great people doing great things, and the world is in good hands.  

Now, yes, I have delved a lot into what could be a benign attempt to say, I love your work.  But I think the difference between I love your work, and I love your work, and therefore wish you were doing more work is tied to some dangerous cultural assumptions.  Telling someone you wish they had more things to do, implies their value is in the quantity of their creation.  

I see this a lot with small creators who do things like limited pre-orders or shop restocks.  Invariably someone will say, I love your stuff but it's always sold out.  And yes, in an ideal world I think most creators want everyone who wants to pay them money for a thing to be able to get that thing.  But I also imagine they want to sleep.  Eat food.  Attend to their loved ones. In some cases work the day job that lets them do this thing on the side and also provides them health insurance.  All things that while they do not look like work, support the work.  

So, if what you really want to say is I love your work, say that.  And if that person idly says, sometimes I think about doing X thing, you can absolutely be ready to tell them you support that.  But suggesting more work for people isn't always the compliment you think it is.  

LTAFS 13 and 14

For this week in Let's Talk About Fictional Sex (LTAFS) we have: -Contraception What? -To Be or Not to Be a Parent

Three Interesting Things

1.  Chad Kalepa Baybayan was one of the key figures in the resurgence of traditional navigation, and taught many, many others.  He passed away recently.  He will be missed.  

2. Cara Zelaya rounded up the times that the regular gun violence in the US intersected with her life.  The thing is, I would be surprised to hear of really anyone in the US who couldn't do this.  My mom could do this.  

3. E. Alex Jung's profiles are always wonderful, and this one with Daniel Dae Kim is no different.  

Also, as tear gas is being used on housing again (outside Minneapolis this week) let me re-up my tear gas post, and remind folks that tear gas in a pandemic is especially cruel.  

Undercover Bridesmaid - Now Available in Print

Undercover Bridesmaid - first novel length, but second in the City Complication series is now available in print.  The book can be read as a standalone, though there are brief appearances by Seth - who is a protagonist in Aloha to You, so ymmv on that. 

Rafe has been using charm both in and out of work.  Finding himself the only groomsman at a weather interrupted bachelor party isn't going to stop him from having fun.

Felicia has made a living for herself helping out brides by posing as one of their bridesmaids. She's used to handling all sorts of unexpected hitches, but a solo groomsman who keeps showing up at all the bachelorette events is a new one for her.  It doesn't matter if he's hot, Felicia's there to make the bride happy not herself.  Not even if the bride decides a little matchmaking might make her happy.

The book was also my not so secret love letter to pet rescues, and Felicia meets many rescue dogs in between her wedding planning.  And because of the nature of their meeting and Felicia's job, there is travel, a secret identity, and some long distance stuff for them to figure out.  

Available at multiple etailers - universal book link: https://books2read.com/u/bwd8BY
And in print:https://bookshop.org/books/undercover-bridesmaid/9781386003878

Ponderings on a Day

I got my second dose of the vaccine on a beautiful spring day with blue skies. 

The buses were a tiny smidgen fuller than they had been when I went for the first dose. My appointment was near Union Station so I got to see that some of the fencing around the Capitol was down now, although the National Guard staging area is still visible. 

All the flags were at half mast. 

There was a mobile Covid testing site across the street from where I got my shot. 

This is the time of year many flower trees flower. 

Union Station looks odd with all the seating in the food court gone. 

I made tentative plans with a friend to picnic after they get their next dose.  (We are both high risk, so while we have seen each other, it's all been masked.)

For me, a person who has a mild 24 hour reaction to the flu shot, and a longer three days reaction to the pneumonia vaccine, dose 2 took about 24 hours to make itself known.  It was a stronger reaction than the pneumonia vaccine, but resolved faster. Obviously in all cases, better than getting the thing itself.  

Still masking and taking precautions, but glad to be able to be a little less worried about the risk both to myself and others on the virus front.