Let's Talk About Mental Health Days

I was talking to someone recently who had been advised to use up some of their accrued vacation time in the next few months.  Since I've been working a freelance life of late, let me tell you I totally understand that it can be very hard to take a day when there is always stuff to be done.  I wrote this post on a weekend which tells you how good I am at following my own advice. 

And for many of us who have bought into the work more, get more, because we only rest when we're old mentality, the thing that got you away from your desk was the prospect of going somewhere new.  Going to a new city, or just somewhere new in town, but something you couldn't do sitting at home.  In places where stay/shelter/whatever we are calling it orders are in place, it seems silly to say, hey I need a day where I can sit in essentially the same place I'm sitting now, staring at the same four walls I'm staring at now.  

You still need it.  And probably not just for a day, probably two or three, or maybe even a week.  I have essential workers in my life, and they are still taking vacation days, even if they can't travel to where they had hoped to travel. 

You may feel super privileged to be doing your job at home.  You may have lost your job or been furloughed.  You still need breaks.  Even if the break is from applying for jobs. 

While culturally we have accepted the idea of mental health days, I think we tend to think a few things about them.  You should only need one.  And you should probably only need it if things are really bad for you. 

Partially this is tied in with our thinking about mental health which is not great.  But also, hi, things are really bad.  I know sometimes we are asked to look at the bright side, to be grateful for all the things we do have. And hey, if your job and your health, and your loved ones are all doing great, then yes, things are good.  But, that doesn't mean your life has not been altered by this global event.  It doesn't mean that things aren't hard.  And it really, truly doesn't mean that you never get to have a day off that isn't a regularly occurring weekend or holiday (assuming that's how your job is structured.) 

To quote an ad slogan, you deserve a break.  Even if it means you sit in the same chair and talk to the same people you've talked to, you deserve a break from emails, or phone calls, or video calls.  Take the time.  Not to make the corporate overlords happy that you aren't hoarding vacation time.  Take the time because the corporate overlords gave you this time to make you a more productive human.  They didn't do it to be nice.  They did it because employees who burnout are less useful to them. 

And speaking as your pocket friend*, burned out pocket friends are less fun.  So do it for you, for them, and for me. 

*pocket friends are friends you know through the internet and therefore they are friends who live in your pocket, since many internet devices are pocket sized. 

7 More Things About Social Isolation Life

1. Someone said two or so weeks ago to start documenting changes and at the time I scoffed.  I believed we were headed for a tough period.  But I had somehow not fully thought through the ripples.  Schools converting to distance learning, jobs converting to telecommuting sure.  The rapid shift in how and where people buy their supplies for daily life, sure.  But I hadn't thought about what it would mean for the restaurants and coffee shops to close.  Because yes, takeout and delivery exist but not all restaurants participated, in fact several of my faves didn't.  There are no good answers here.  Just as many of those restaurants and hardware stores and stationary stores would fail if half or more of their workforce ended up hospitalized. We're just, to use a messy metaphor, trying to divert the lava flow.  But we can't stop it.  So all of that is to say, if this has been hard, it isn't because distance learning or telecommuting or losing jobs or being asked for overtime in hospitals or grocery stores - all of these things are hard.  Piling them together is harder.  And if your life hasn't materially changed, it is likely both hard and easy as more people join you in experimenting with ways to be connected distantly.  A year ago my family would have scoffed at a video conference call.  In another week or so, I might be able to convince them. 

2. I've pointed a few folks to the Glitch employee handbook. I do not work for Glitch, but they are a company that has had remote workers for a while.  At my old company, I was part of the first teams they made remote and there were things that were handled well, and things that were not, and it's a learning process for everyone.  Glitch is a tech company, not all their process will translate.  But one of the big challenges is finding managers who are unfamiliar with how to manage from afar, and having a corporate guide to point to can be helpful.  The reality is this, there are things that are fundamentally changed when people can't walk by your desk, and some of that means getting better at communication.  Add in that many folks now have extra people in their house all day and may need to adjust their hours to account for that, there's going to be some adjustments.  It does not mean that anyone should have to be on camera all day so that their boss can see them working.  (Yeah, I know retail employees, I dislike it for you too.)  

3. The FOMO is real.  I have already reached the there are now three things happening Wednesday at 7 that I want to do point.  As more things are occur online, it is wonderful and great, but you are still only one person. You cannot do all the things. 

4. Move.  Depending on the type of commute you had before, it likely involved more steps than getting to the home desk does.  So you are going to need more movement in your life.  Even if you commuted by car, you may have walked more through large grocery stores, or other things.  No one needs a car commute back in their day (I assume) but moving less will make you crankier. Figure out ways to move the same as you did before even if the type of movement changes. 

5. Studies show that being outside with trees or other nature helps.  Depending on the level of social isolation or quarantine you are currently dealing with, you may have less of that available.  Staring out the window at a tree gets you close.  Looking at pictures of plants is also close.  Watching a livestream of the cherry blossoms for a few minutes is close. Make time for that in your day.  

6.  Have you heard that washing your hands helps?  Yeah, I know.  It does.  But also feel free to indulge in the nicest of handcreams.  I tend to be a person that has a bottle of lotion or tube of something in every bag.  

7. If the social isolation has you lonely, consider fostering a pet if possible.  Shelters are having limited staff and volunteers come in, and of course cannot do normal adoption expos right now.  Fostering is by definition temporary, so if you end up not loving the pet life, the foster will get adopted.  If you have floofs in your home, and hove not started a social media format that regularly features them, now might be a great time.  

7 Things That Might Surprise You About Remote Work

1. It's not cheaper. This, as with all the others will vary. Like obviously remote work does not require a car, bus, or metro ride. So you will save that money and that time. You also will not have access to company pens, company toilet paper, or company coffee and tea. So, now the supplies are all yours. This could still put you in the win column, but you will also discover as with most budget shifts, it helps for a little and then your budget shifts to adjust to that, and it is gone.

2. It's not quieter. If you live alone in a remote cabin maybe. Although I bet the coyotes beg to differ. They do construction during the day. The mow lawns during the day. They cut off utilities during the day. You will discover a ton of things that are planned with the assumption that less people are home.

3. It can be very hard on your mental health. One thing the rise of the internet has shown us is that there are tons of wonderful folks all around the world, and it is easier than ever to connect with them. Connecting via phone, email, video chat, and social media is great. It is not the same as seeing people in person. The conversations that develop when you can just sit and allow for silence, or not, are different. Again, contagions are

bad, and there are reasons for social distance right now.  But figure out ways to get people time, whether it's a long scheduled video chat where you and someone else agree to do something silly together and just chat, make time for people.  And if your household contains those that are moving about more freely - say you live with a healthcare worker - then figure out how to balance your possibly divergent needs.  They may need a chance for silence when they arrive home whereas you have stored up all these things to just tell someone all day long.  

4. It's not less tiring. I hated commuting.  I really did. I voluntary switched to a longer metro commute becuase getting reading time in made me a happier person when the traffic and other delays were someone else's problem.  But not commuting did not release a huge store of energy.  The exhausting part of jobs is the focus and decision making they require.  You will still be tired at the end of the day.  You just won't have the activity tracker steps to show for it.  

5. You will not discover how many meetings could have been emails. I mean maybe your company is very efficient.  But instead you will discover how many meetings can be long ponderous conference calls, or video chats, or web meetings.  We have not eliminated meetings in remote work.  Sometimes they are more efficient.  Sometimes they are necessary.  Sometimes they turn into very long chat messages or sixty two emails that make you wonder if a quick meeting could have solved that.  

6. You will not have more time. A day is a day.  You lose the commute but you are also now chief supplies officer.  If you are social distancing or live somewhere not near quick food, you will likely be eating at home more.  Possibly if your commute was four hours, you will get some time back.  But time expands, and habits and schedules are hard. 

7. You will not be more productive. Again, a day is a day.  Part of this is the human brain's tendency to overestimate our own capacity.  Part of this is working with people remotely that you used to work with in person requires adjustments.  Part of this is just that you also won't be more awake, so this idea that like you got a whole hour back every day that you will totally use for something that is not self care is not only generally incorrect it is not a great idea.  You will need self care.  You aren't a failure for not producing more.  You are human.  

Tips for Telecommuting

Hi, so I've been a telecommuter or remote worker for over ten years. Since some of you may be telecommuting for the first time here are some tips. As always, not all of them will work for everyone. 

1. Try using a dedicated work space. When I injured my knee, I basically had to work on the couch for a while. It made it tough to make the mental transition between work time and fun time. They can be super close, I live in a small apartment, but a different butt cushion helped.  Similarly, I am in favor of putting on day clothes of some sort.  Or at least different PJs.  I'm not saying I never started work still in PJs.  But being able to take a last minute video conference, or answer the door for an unexpected delivery, it makes life easier.  And I found for me, made me feel again like a person who was doing things, so that the days I did just lounge around in PJs were more clearly non-work days. 

2. Think ergonomically. I did something weird to my shoulder the first month I worked from home. I ended up changing my monitor height, getting an additional chair cushion, and also having to rest my poor shoulder for a while. If the set up at home had never before been used, or used irregularly, it may work differently for you now that you are there for hours at a time.

3. Food. You probably stocked your food and snacks differently when you were eating there at different times. Some of my coworkers had really awesome snacka that they had no trouble avoiding when they were out of the house forty some hours a week. Alternately, I did not have enough food to survive 80% of my meals being eaten there and it took a while to figure out what was the right amount.

4. Schedule. Figure out a schedule. If you are a person like me, you may have used the growing silence of the office, or your desire to eat dinner as your sign to go home. You may now work where your dinner lives. I talked to a few coworkers after we transitioned who found they were more productive. I asked them how many hours they worked. 

Also, this is not my area of expertise, but folks with kids often found setting the I am here but I'm at work boundary tough. A dedicated space and/or regular hours may help with that. (It does not help with pets, but they do adjust somewhat too.)

4. Movement. Depending on what your commute looked like, you may be doing more or less walking. If you used a gym near work, you may not be near it automatically anymore. So think about how you'll incorporate that into your schedule. 

5. Work people. I've worked with teams where everyone was remote and one's where some people were on site together. Either way it means rethinking how meetings and updates work when everyone isn't in the same place. Also, there are conversations and such that happen when people wander by each other, or hear someone sounding frustrated that don't happen organically when folks are separate. Group chats and regular check in meetings, can fill in some gaps. Also, you may need to think about how to update folks about roadblocks, and being explicit. For example, I am working on this problem is not the same as I am working on this problem and have no idea how to solve it. Yes, this is good communication for even on site team members, but some of those gaps get filled in when you add in person discussion.

6. Nonwork people. Your house may have far less non-work people. This may be exciting. This may be sad. Think about how to adjust for this, whether it's more phone calls and video chats with friends, or whatever. Some folks might know I joined knitting groups and book groups to get some real people interaction, but that is just one option.

7. Errands. The first part of errands is about boundaries. Your telecommuting may include more flexibility or it may not. If it does allow for midday errands, that might be a great option. You might also be able to help run errands for others. But you still have responsibilities. Your increased flexibility has limits. As I said to one person it's work from home, not do chores and get paid by the company I am not doing chores for. So figure out your boundaries there.

Obviously if you are telecommuting due to health reasons, some of this will change. Overall, boundaries and schedule are some of the keys.